my world

2008-01-23T02:35:00.000-08:00

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2006-10-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana'y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[Chorus:]
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana at iyong nariring
sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik...

Ayoko sa iba
Sayo ako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso't pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[Chorus:]
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana at iyong nariring
sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik...

[Coda:]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta't sa akin wag kang mawawala

Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin

2006-10-09T01:51:00.000-07:00

October 06, 2006

This is it. The moment of truth.

I never expected that this time will come. The person I admired and loved is gone. Gone already... But that's it. Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, and most of all, love is about growing up.

For the past 6 months of my life, where you have been a big part of it was great. It was one of the most memorable experiences I had and one of the most I will remember forever.

I wish that I loved you in silence because I find no rejection and how I wish I loved you in my dreams, for in my dreams, no one owns you but me.

Let me share a beautiful discussion between Plato and Socrates. Plato once asked Socrates, "what is love?"

He said, "Go to the wheatfield and find the most special leaf."

After few days, Plato said to Socrates, "I saw a special leaf but I didn't picked it up because there may be another one better than it. But as I walk along and find some more, nothing caught my eyes unlike the first that I saw. When I went back to pick it up, it was not there anymore."

Socrates then said, "People always look for the best and when we finally see it, we take it for granted expecting to find a better one, not knowing that what we found was the best..."

Minsan nga naman we always find something better than what we got not knowing that we have the best. And as we go along our journey, naiiwanan natin yung best natin. And when we finally knew that there's nothing better than what we have, wala na siya.

To the one that took my heart away, thank you. For opening my eyes to a new experience, a new world and a new life. Thank you for coming into my life and changing the whole me. Though we ended up in this situation, wala akong pinagsisihan that you have been the most special person in my life in the past 6 months. Thanks and may He always guide you and bless you.

I asked God for serenity to accept the things that I can't change. The courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the differences.

-there are things that we love but we have to give up, not because we don;t want it anymore but because we realize that it's not for us-

2006-10-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

Drop by lang sana ako sa blog ko bago umuwi. Check ng comments at ng tag board pero eto sumusulat ako ngayon.

Sa nagdaang anim na buwan sa buhay ko, napakaraming nagbago sa akin. Nabuksan ang isang bagong dimensiyon na ni minsan ay hindi ko naisip na maaaring mangyari. Maybe, it's not right but sometimes, it is better to be human and happy rather than being perfect and sad. I admit na I was happy at first pero habang tumatagal, malaking responsibility at madaming consequences pala ang katapat nito. It was not a simple story that has a happy ending.

I learned how to love without expecting anything in return. For a while, it felt good but soon enough I had to stop. Why? Because the more I love the person, the more I loose myself. And the saddest part of it all is when I found myself again but I can no longer feel whole again. Well that's because a part of me went astray with the very person I have to forget. Pero sabi nga, it's better to love for a minute and remember it for a lifetime than to love for a lifetime and hate every minute of it. Wala akong pinagsisihan, and I never will.

Sharing a part of my life with you has been fun, it's great and certainly one of the best highlights of it. Pero as I always do... I will leave this message to you:

"there are things that we love but we have to give up, not because we don't want it anymore but because we realize that it's not for us"

2006-09-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

the lighter

i can't sleep
your image i see everywhere i look
your voice i hear even when i'm at sleep
so many days and nights that you're in my mind
it keeps reminding me, why i'm still alive
you're heart i long to get
and you that i long to have
there's just one special thing that i consider one of the best i have from you

what is it?
the lighter...

2006-09-25T01:43:00.000-07:00

Special ang araw na ito para sa akin... Why? Basta. This day is such a very important day for me... Yun lang ang masasabi ko. Thanks again for everything...

-there are things that we love but we have to give up, not because we don't want it anymore but because we realize that it's not for us.-

2006-06-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

june 20...wala lang. medyo nakakainis ngayong araw na to pero ayos lang. nagising na ako sa katotohanan. mabuti na lang at nagkaganun. simula ngayong araw na to lalayuan na kita. i will try my best to get rid of you... ang sama ko. wehehehe... hindi naman get rid, to avoid lang naman. mahirap na yung ganitong sitwasyon, ayoko na. nakakasawa na. ayoko man pero ito ang dapat. this is the right thing to do. the right step to take. and the right move to make. hindi kasi kita maintindihan eh. sana noon pa.

see you around mi amore'.

-there are things that we love but we have to give up, not because we don't want it anymore but because we realize that it's not for us.-

-dhen™

2006-06-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

june 16... for the past several months of my life, isa to sa pinakamasaya. bakit? halos buong araw kong kasama ang isa sa pinakaimportante at mahalagang tao sa buhay ko. the person who owns almost 25% of my heart. thanks for the great and wonderful time that you shared with me. it was really unforgettable.thanks for the strength that you always give. you are one of the reasons why i still fight in life. thanks for the love...

2006-06-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

Ang buhay parang life, minsan masaya minsan malungkot… parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw at nasa ilalim…

Love is blind daw ika nga, because lovers cannot see the petty follies they commit. Pero when you know na mali at hindi tama ang pag ibig na nararamdaman mo, will you go for it?

Yung ibang tao naman, kung sinong ayaw nya, siya naman ang lapit ng lapit at yung gustong gusto mo naman ang ayaw sa iyo… ang galing no?

Sa pagmamahal, hindi importante kung ano ka, sino ka, where you came from, what’s your status in life, etc. etc. What matters is how you loved one another (sounds family)… Pero mali rin na lagi kang bulag sa pag-ibig, because in the end, ikaw din ang magsa suffer.

Ang buhay ay sadyang ganyan, so much unfair. But that’s reality, dapat nating tanggapin anoman at sinoman ang dumating sa ating buhay. Kailangan nating tanggapin kung anoman meron tayo at dapat nating i accept na minsan, ung taong pinakamamahal mo ay hindi pala para sa iyo. Na dumaan lang siya para mapasaya ang buhay mo even for just a short span of time…

Just don’t regret anything and everything you’ve done… never… what really matters is experiencing happiness and knowing that whatever love you gave, was back to you more than you expected. Time may come, seeing each other again, both with own family and career, you just whisper “itong taong ito, once in my life passed by and made me happy which helped me reach my dreams and gave me inspiration all through the years”.

Nagkahiwalay man tayo, I just view our past love as a lesson and not as a tragedy unlike before. Just believe that when someone left you, somebody will come into your life more than you least expected and will give you happiness you never found in your past love.

Mahal man natin ang isa’t isa, we have to part ways, not because we don’t want it anymore but because it is not for us.

Minsan, when we meet someone, akala natin siya na ang magiging future natin. But there are many things in store for us. There are a million possible ways to come.

Whatever experiences we had, iba’t iba man ng level, ng takbo at ng mga pangyayari, nagmahal pa rin tayo. Yun ang pinakaimportante sa lahat, magmahal ng tapat at totoo.

Kaya lang ang pinakamasakit minsan, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon at lalong sa hindi inaasahang tao pa natin mararamdaman. Kaya savor each passing moment and begin each day happy and with a smile. Whatever happens today may never happen again tomorrow.

ciao!

2006-06-07T03:40:00.000-07:00

Hay, last day ko na sa eAppraiseIT. I will start on friday sa purchasing dept.

Anong feeling? Malungkot na masaya. Malungkot kasi for the past 22-months, eto ang araw araw kong routine. Mga ka-team ko na maiiwan ko. But i should not be sad at all. It's a new challenge for me. A new life and a new environment. I hope that I made the right decision.

My 22-month experience at eAppraiseIT has given me a lot of knowledge and helped me increase my ability in many ways in which I know will be useful in whatever career I may pursue. And now, the time has come for me to go and be a part of a new team. A new endeavor.

I wish that He will guide me and make things for me accordingly. Continue to shower His blessings and take care of my life.

Chillax...

ciao!

2006-06-02T06:05:00.000-07:00

wala lang. masaya lang mga nangyari these past few days. i found a new confidante at talagang magaling siyang kausap. i told her everything na pwede kong sabihin and everything i feel. and naiintindihan nya pa ako and she even gave me advices. two-day session is not enough pa nga para sa usapan namin. good thing she's just around the corner. could email or talk anytime.

friends, there is always a reason for everything that happened, happens or will happen in our life. nasa atin na lang yun kung paano natin hahawakan ang situation. it depends on how we handle things accordingly.

if you love a person, set him/her free. if he/she comes back again, no thank you! wehehe. it's meant to be daw. pero sa tingin ko hindi naman lahat. minsan may mga incidents na ang hirap ibalik ng tiwalang nawala, ng love at ng everything mo sa isang taong naging bahagi na ng buhay mo pero at one point in time, naghiwalay kayo due to some problems or anything.

love is like a flow of river na maraming sanga. sa pagdaan ng panahon, maraming bigla biglang susuplot at dadating sa buhay mo. minsan, akala natin na yung taong yun ang para sa atin, pero hindi pala. na siya na ang magpapaligaya sa buhay natin forever, na siya yung "perfect" person na in store for us. pero hindi pala.

pero minsan, mahirap mag decide lalo na kung affected na ng mga taong nakapaligid sa inyo. say, your parents or relatives. or even your friends. hingin mo lang ang payo nila but don't judge or decide because of them. bear in your mind that the decision should come from yourself. hindi pwedeng kung kanino na lang. or minsan, sa kaguluhan ng isip natin, nakakagawa tayo ng decisions agad. which of course, mapupunta sa wala. konti lang ang possibility na magsucceed.

sa gabi pag nakahiga ka, think about it. kanino ka ba talaga liligaya? at kung sino ba ang talagang nasa puso mo? itabi mo muna ang salitang "awa" dahil kung awa ang magiging basehan mo ng pag ibig, baka lahat sila akalain mong mahal mo na. be logical and rational. face the truth. don't let anyone dominate and control your feelings. control your own. be yourself. don't be someone else you don't know. because if you do, you have to keep that to yourself all through your life.

lastly, lahat nadadaan sa panalangin. kung sa tingin mo hindi pa Niya ibinibigay ang sign na hinihingi mo. maaaring wala pa talaga ang taong para sa iyo. pero malay mo. yung love na hinahanap mo eh too close for you eyes to see and too strong for your heart to feel.

or maybe....the one for you is still not there...He's constructing the best one pa lang for you....

ciao!

2006-05-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

First day of work. Parang nakakapanibago kasi i was absent for a week. I had a difficult time getting sleep kasi naaalala ko na baka tanghaliin ako ng gising at ma-late ako. Goodness, maaga naman akong gumising and was not late. Ahead pa ako ng 3 minutes yata. Another typical day. Work, work, work. Tapos work work work ulit. Namiss ko din yung ginagawa ko. And above all, namiss kita. Yes, it's you. I missed you. Wehehehe...

2006-05-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Natagalan ang pagsulat ko because of unavoidable circumstances. Naks! English...

Eto kwento ko:

may 7.

ayun, natuloy ang sakit ko. nilagnat nga ako. akal ko mag eenjoy dito yun pala nakahiga lang din maghapon. aga kong nagising, 4 am pa lang. sakit ulo, sakit katawan, lahat masakit. kung alam ko lang eh hindi na kami tumuloy. pero ayos lang din, andito na eh.nanibago lang ako sa panahon. attended worship service, sa dami ng lugar, sa church pa kami nagkita ni kuya abdel, wehehehe. isinasama ko sya sa resort eh antok na daw sya kasi galing pa syang zamboanga. ako na lang ang isinama nya. sarap ng homemade pizza nila ala tasty bread. 7 na ako nakauwi. worried na pala si mama kasi nga may sakit ako. akala nila nahilo na ako sa kalsada. hay! uwian time na bukas. nanood muna kami ng pinoy pop superstar bago natulog.

may 8.

ayaw pa sana kaming pauwiin kaya lang i have to kasi may work pa ako. 4 am gising na kami. 5 na kami umalis dun. ten nasa bahay na. balik na naman ang lagnat ko. this time with matching kahol aso pa. badtrip, wala akong kinain maghapon, nahihilo ako kaya hindi ako makalabas ng bahay. 6 pm talagang super starving na ako. kapalan na ng mukha. tinawagan ko si karen, nagpabili ako chicken. nakakahiya man eh kailangan talaga. kesa naman machugi ako sa bahay. i also decided not to go to work kasi talagang hindi ko kaya.sana bukas magaling na ako.

may 9.

nahihibang yata ako. weheheh. mahirap magkasakit na mag isa lang sa bahay. binisita ako ni tita nene. dinalhan ako food. hay, naiiyak ako, nahahabag ako sa sarili ko. pabalik balik pa ang fever ko. parang dengue na yata to ah. weheheh. tapos ang galeng galeng, pag nagthermometer ako, sa left kilikili eh 36 lang, sa right 39.2.ang galeng, hindi pantay. pahinga na lang ako. di na naman ako pumasok. rest lang muna. di naman ako ipapagamot ng ADEC pag lumala ang sakit ko eh. hahaha! goodnight!

may 10.

eto nakaimbak pa din sa bahay. sabi ni dok, no work muna til friday. hay! super rest week muna ako. next week pa ako papasok. ang payat ko na. hahahahaha!

2006-05-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

may 6.

wala lang. sarap ng tulog ko. 10 am to 7pm. TGIF! tapos bukas byahe na. wait for me SUBIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whew! 5:30 na, kalahating oras na lang uuwi na ako. sana makarating ako ng maaga para masimulan ang pag gala. wahahah!

subic, here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll post some pics pagbalik ko.

ciao!

Hay nakakaantok! Walang tulog derecho na kami ng byahe... grabe, ang ingay ng nasa likod namin. hindi ako tuloy makatulog amp! 30 minutes lang yata ang tulog ko. !:30 kami dumating tapos ligong dagat mga 30 minutes lang. changed attire tapos punta kaming city. naglakad lakad sa boardwalk. dapat pala nag shoes ako. ayun, namuti tuloy ang paa ko dahil sa buhangin. 6 na kami lumabas ng sbma. kumain ng paborito kong chao fan. went home. parang magkakasakit yata ako ah. siguro dahil sa byahe lang to. sobrang init kasi eh. namimiss ko tuloy ang cavite. d bale, uwi na din kami bukas. yun muna ngayon. pahinga muna ako baka matuloy pa tong sakit ko yari pa ako.

2006-05-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

may 5.

happy birthday pareng may shella! akala mo nakalimutan ko na ang pinakamagandang pards ko ano? hindi noh. ikaw pa. nakita mo naman, tinawagan pa kita ng alas dos ng umaga to greet you personally. kahit boses mo eh parang galeng sa banga. bwahaha!

o, yung message ko sa iyo basahin mo na lang at sagutin mo.

nothing really nice happened these past few days except that thursday afternoon.

5:00 AM

hay, i got a feedback from US. nakakainis talaga. bakit di ko nakita yun? kasalanan ko partly pero i was not the one to blame fully. pero i know it's my fault. nasa first level manila escalations team na ako. dapat alam ko na ang mga ginagawa ko. i don't have to be lousy reviewing technical issues. i should be more careful and focused not only on the issues found by the admin review but also on the whole report as well. ok lang yan dhen, it's a part of your work and a great learning experience for you. view it as a lesson not a failure. be wise dhen. learn from your mistakes and that will help you gain more. sabi nga ni mama remi, chillax!

2006-05-04T12:11:00.001-07:00

may 4.

ainacoh! kakainis talaga. basta nakakainis. hmp hmp hmp!

2006-05-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

may 3.

aba, walang reply. yun pala, hindi pa pumapasok, 3 days na. bakit kaya? cockfight? hahaha!pumasok ka na bukas para malaman ko kung sasama ka.

sama ka na ha. i'm a very good tour guide. i will show you subic and the neighboring countries weheheh. at sure ako na you will enjoy the vacation. just wanna have some kinda summer vacation kahit 2 days lang. and i will have my body tanned para asteg! haha!

kina tita luz ako nag lunnner... yup, lunner! lunch and dinner combined. nakatikim din ng kanin sa wakas. haha! ganun pala ang lasa nun.

2006-05-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

I read it a long time ago and i did find this one for my record lang. So good story. Sa mga nakabasa na, try reading again. I did. For those na hindi pa nababasa, this is one of the love stories really worth reading.

enjoy..............................................

This play won in the palanca awards, dulaang isang yugto category.

Twenty Questions Ni Juan Ekis

MGA TAUHAN
Jigs: Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm

Yumi: Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO:Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama.
JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.
YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.
JIGS Sure ka?
YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?
JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?
YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.
JIGS Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna.Magsesettle down ang dalawa.Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya: "Puppy Love and other Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI Do you mind?
JIGS No, go ahead. I'm just reading. Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI I can't believe our friends.
JIGS Oo nga e.
YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila 'to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.
JIGS Thanks.
YUMI So what are your plans?
JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.
YUMI Wow naman. In demand.
JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?
YUMI (Matatawa) You won't believe it.
JIGS Ikaw?
YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.
JIGS So why did you start it?
YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we'll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.
JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!
YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.
JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?
YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?
JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa kin sa barkada e.
YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).
JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).
YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.
JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.
YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata.
JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!
YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)
JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?
YUMI Ano'ng disgrasya?
JIGS Alam mo na yun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa'no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi.
JIGS Ang alin?
YUMI Ang sex!
JIGS Hah!
YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?
JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.
YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!
JIGS Excuse me?
YUMI Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.
YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.
JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi. Tahimik. JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we¹re gonna last three days.
YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI We're gonna survive this one.
JIGS What makes you so sure?
YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka'
JIGS Same here.
YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don't have time for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.
YUMI May chips ba diyan?
JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.
JIGS What do you mean?
YUMI Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition.
JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa't isa. Pero us...
YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?
JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!
YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition! Magto-toast sila at iinom.
JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let's make our stay here more interesting...
YUMI What's with the ate?
JIGS Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.

JIGS Let's play twenty questions.
YUMI Sige! Ano yon?
JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked.
YUMI That's pretty interesting.
JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.
YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?
JIGS Of course. You wanna start?
YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)
JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?
YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.
JIGS Simula pa lang e.
YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?
JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?
YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I'm a frustrated ballet dancer.
JIGS Talaga?
YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.
JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa kin mamaya.
YUMI We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?
JIGS Never.
YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.
JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.
YUMI Homophobe ka ba?
JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?
YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?
JIGS I'm straight, okay?
YUMI I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung...
JIGS Never nga.
YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.
JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!
YUMI E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty... Tatawa lang si Jigs.
YUMI So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest.
JIGS What?!
YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...
JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.
YUMI Of course not. I didn't mean that!
JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay!
YUMI So you did want to become a priest...
JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a father. Tahimik.
YUMI So you're not gay.
JIGS No.
YUMI You never...
JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn.
YUMI Homophobe ka no?
JIGS Hindi kaya!
YUMI Whatever...
JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.
YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.
JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?
YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.
JIGS The object of this game is not to win.
YUMI E ano pa ba?
JIGS To get to know the other person.
YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.
JIGS Sagot.
YUMI May time limit ba ?to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.
JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.
JIGS Not bad.
YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.
JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?
YUMI Yuck!
JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.
YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!
JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka...Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano'ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.
JIGS Ganito? Ano'ng ganito? Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.
YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?
YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna. Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.
YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.
YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.
JIGS Wine pa?
YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.
YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...
JIGS Yung literally na may dating. walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino'ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.
YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.
JIGS Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?
JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?
YUMI You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine pa nga!
JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...
YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?
JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada...NOW?
YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.
JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.
YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball to, tambak ka na.
JIGS Just answer the question.
YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?
JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.
YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot...hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.
JIGS Yung seryoso naman.
YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...
JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.
YUMI Uy! Pa'no ba yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa).
JIGS Dati pa yon no!
YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk.
JIGS Is that your question na?
YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.
JIGS That's not even a question.
YUMI Arte mo. O, How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS Wet.
YUMI Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba to?
JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.
YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?
JIGS Nope. YUMI Ha?
JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa't isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.
YUMI What happened after? JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.
YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.
JIGS Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo?
YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin yan!
JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?
YUMI Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba'¹ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?
JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.
YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.
JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...
YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.
JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.
YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.
JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?
YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).
JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo'¹t ginawa mo yon, aber?
YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo ?yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n'yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no'n?
JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?
YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!
JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever? YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It'¹s my turn. JIGS Don't you want to answer the question anyway?
YUMI My turn!
JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.
YUMI Are you still a virgin?
JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?
YUMI That's my fourth question.
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?
JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.
YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it!
JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?
YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.
JIGS Insulto ba yon?
YUMI Compliment yon, tanga.
JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.
YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?
JIGS Alin? Sex?
YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!
JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang yan kung ano'ng gagawin mo sa urge na yon.
YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang yon, di ba?
JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon yan.
YUMI And sex is the same?
JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.
YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.
YUMI And what is that context?
JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba'ng ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places.
YUMI I'm not arguing with you.
JIGS Me neither. I'm just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan. Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of

conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Who was your first lay?
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?
JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?
YUMI Ang daya mo.
JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.
YUMI You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father Jigs?
JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)
YUMI How do you do that?
JIGS Alin?
YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sa'yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.
JIGS You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals.
YUMI So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)
JIGS You don't have to answer my question if you don¹t want.
YUMI I guess I'll be honest with you as you were honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)
JIGS What was it like?
YUMI Now that I look back, it isn't as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost.
JIGS Almost...?
YUMI Sa next question mo na yan. Ako na.
JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.
YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa kin no? (Tatawa)
JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)
YUMI Engot. Hindi yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?
JIGS Hindi na.
YUMI Since when?
JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?
YUMI Sino'ng nakipag-break?
JIGS Pareho kami.
YUMI Why?
JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won't work. Isa na don, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.
YUMI Like what?
JIGS Marami.
YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?
JIGS People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.
YUMI Talaga?
JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us.
YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?
JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa'ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?
YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?
JIGS It's just that, it's not my thing.
YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa)
JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.
YUMI Fine.
JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang ganon. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing. I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...
YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.
JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI Are you always like that?
JIGS Like what?
YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.
JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI So, No hard feelings?
JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.
YUMI That's nice.
JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?
YUMI That's your sixth na ha?
JIGS Sure.
YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?
JIGS Of course.
YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung making love di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...
JIGS Ano'ng nangyari?
YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mong ginawa? Nilayasan ako!
JIGS You deserve someone better.
YUMI Talaga! Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?
JIGS That's the way we must learn.
YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko. (Iinom ng wine). Ikaw ba, importante sa'yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?
JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan yan. Pero now that you've mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.
YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.
JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?
YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in making love. And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To make love to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That's why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?
JIGS You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?
JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.
YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question. So give a name.
JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS My turn?
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS You trust me naman di ba?
YUMI Well, you've earned it, alright.
JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa'yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)
YUMI I uhm...
JIGS Yes...?
YUMI I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.
JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?
YUMI Ano ka ba?
JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.
YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.
JIGS Promise.
YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.
JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.
YUMI Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...
JIGS And...?
YUMI Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.
JIGS What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I uhm...s***. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm...(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)
JIGS It's okay...
YUMI I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if...s***. (iiyak)
JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you...
YUMI And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn't mean to, Jigs. I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...
JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS Alam ba to ni Joel?
YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...
JIGS It's alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang. Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?
JIGS Doing what?
YUMI Alam mo na...
JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)
YUMI gago mo. (Ngingiti)
JIGS Ngumiti rin.
YUMI So? Would you?
JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
YUMI Shut up nga!
JIGS That's your eight na, ha?
YUMI I lost count. Answer it.
JIGS Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?
YUMI I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.
JIGS Bakit?
YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na?
JIGS Paano? I don't think there's a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin ?yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga yon...yung kay Krissy...
YUMI Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?
JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.
YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.
JIGS I heard bells.
YUMI Ano?
JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.
YUMI Seryoso ka ba?
JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.
YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)
JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako? Tahimik.
JIGS I'm into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.
JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?
YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya. YUMI I can't believe I just said that.
Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI Don't you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)
YUMI Yes.

2006-05-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

may 2.

umaga na naman. time to sleep. toxic ang work. hahaha! pero ok lang. masarap naman eh. kasi... kasi... kasi... kasi nga... haha!

as usual laba na naman. undergarments muna. bukas na yung iba. waaa! hindi pa ako kumakain ng kanin since sunday pa yata. slim na ako. hahaha! wait ka lng wengweng. papayat din ako.

sleep mode and work mode.

planning to go to subic on weekends, visit mom and sis. invited a good friend. sana sumama ka. para makauwi ako agad.

2006-05-03T10:43:00.001-07:00

may 1.

morning na umuwi cousin ko. morning na din ako nakatulog. after that, labadami, labanayad, labango! whew! hirap home alone. daming gawain. samahan nyo naman ako sa bahay. haha! may work pa nga pala mamayang gabi.

eto pa, am so excited cause "the madz" will be having a concert tonight at philamlife theatre. yup! the philippine madrigal singers fondly called "madz". and yup, i am invited by my choirmaster way back in college. why? kasi TUP-Chorale will also be performing. galeng
galeng no? syempre naman. kami pa. pang world class ang singing career. and the group? syempre, member na ng MADZ ET AL family.

eh itong bestfriend kong si eric, ainacoh! pasaway talaga. hindi daw dadating amp. ako naman tong nakabihis na at naghihintay ng taxi eh mukha tuloy ugok. eh di uwi at nagbihis na. pasaway ka talaga eric bataller. badtrip ka. haha! may utang ka tuloy sa akin.

stay na lang sa bahay waiting for work time. hay buhay, lunes na naman. trabaho again.

2006-05-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

april 30.

grabe, so sleepy. woke up 10 am. have to go to market and cook. may bisita kasi ako, a special friend. ayun, ok lang naman. masayang kwentuhan at kainan. yun lang naman maghapon. hey friend! the scratch you made on my arm. ouch! it really hurts. i'll get back to you one of these days. promise!

at night, dropped by granny's house. sandali lang. then went home with cousin bestfriend humphrey. kainan and watched movies. what movie? uhuh!

2006-05-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

april 29.

tanghali na ako nagising. i watched "the gospel of john", medyo mahaba. 3 am na yata ako natapos. big bro left in the morning, sa dagupan naman yata. ganyan naman yan, a day or two tapos alis na ulit. wish i was on his shoes.

slept the whole day. woke up 4 pm. attended worship service. swimming ng team namin ngayon. ayun, okay naman. medyo maalat alat na yung tubig sa pool. hahaha!

almost 7 am na yata ako nakauwi. dumaan pa kasi kami sa bahay ni cian. itinuloy dun ang session. haha! ayun, nagiging masahista pala itong si ivan pag lasing.

2006-05-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

april 28.

TGIF!

wEnGot, this one's for you.

Thanks for the advice you gave. Saludo ako sa iyo. Parang hindi ikaw yan. Hahaha! Parang sumanib lang bigla. Nagwonder talaga ako and can't believe. Sorry, hindi kasi ganun ang first impression ko sa iyo eh. Pero things are getting clearer and clearer day after day. Sana...ah... eh... hahaha! get lost dude!

Sa lahat ng magulo ang isip, eto lang din ang maipapayo ko sa inyo. Let me quote these words from the love guru:

You have to talk to her and settle things. Maybe she has reasons kung baket nangyari or nangyayari yun.
Analyze mo din mga pagkukulang mo.

Pero talk to her first, ask her if things is still worthy of continuing and keeping.
If not, then both of you should agree to call it off.
Or, make up things.

Simple lang yan,
Kung mahal mo sya, initiate the move of talking to her.
Kung di mo na sya mahal, tell her.

Hay, sana ganun lang kadali yun ano? sana madaling sabihin at madaling gawin. pero hindi eh. It's not that easy to tell someone na ayaw mo na sa kanya. Na hindi na kayang ibalik ang dating feelings at pagtingin mo sa kanya.

Hay ulit! Kung pwede lang baguhin ang buhay at ang takbo ng mga pangyayari, ginawa ko na sana. Kung kaya ko lang, gagawin ko eh...toot...toot...hahahah!

Sana we could choose the one to love. Para kung ganun, i would definitely choose the one who loves me too. At least, siguradong happy ending. Kaya lang ganyan talaga ang buhay. Life is unfair and the only permanent thing in the world is change. We just have to accept the fact that hindi lahat pwede at hindi lahat ayos lang. We have to make sacrifices, we have to choose and decide, and whatever decision man yun, dapat ready tayo to face the consequences and hardships na maaaring idulot nito para sa atin. right prospective lang yan, at least we learned our lesson.

2006-05-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

WELCOME BACK!!!

Hi guys, welcome to my new blog! Sadly, i lost the password of my original blog so i ended up starting over again. This is dedicated to a very good and special friend of mine.

Well, what more can i say?

Kwento muna ako.

April 27, 2006. Cigarette break. Hay naku, sa dinami dami ng taong makikita at makakasabay ko eh bakit ikaw pa? Hahaha. Tapos napu-pupu daw siya everytime na nakikita ako. Pero hindi naman umalis sa tabi ko. If i know, hahahah! Sinabihan pa ako na mataba. Kaya magdiet ako talaga. Pag pumayat ako, yari ka! Hindi kita papansinin kahit kelan. Itaga mo yan sa bato ha!

1 week na nga palang lucky me pancit canton ang lunch ko, home alone kasi ako eh. Hirap naman magluto kasi ako lang kakain. Pero marunong ako magluto. Ayun, sumakit na naman tuloy ang tyan ko, magpapadala na nga sana ako sa hospital kaya lang takot naman ako. Hahaha! Matigas kasi ang ulo ko eh. Bawal ang maalat pero yun pa din ang kinakain. Mahilig pang magpatis. Sarap kasi eh. Mamatay ka na sa sarap wag lang sa gutom diba? Silly me talaga!

Mahirap maging home alone. You have to do everything na ikaw lang talaga. Wash the clothes, iron, cook food, etc, etc... Pero ok lang naman sa akin. At least, im learning to be independent para sa totoong laban ng buhay. A la PBB ah.

This day was bad, same as yesterday and the other day. Why? Personal reason. Pero salamat na lang kasi there is someone who makes me smile. Though hindi naman siya mukhang clown pero maisip ko lang yang taong yan, natatawa na ako. Not because funny siya. I don't even know why. Basta ang alam ko lang eh lagi nya akong pinapatawa and masaya ang buhay kapag andyan siya. Ewan ko lang the other way around. Para sa iyo special someone ko, thanks for making me happy. In your own simple ways. Just the thought of you will definitely light up my day. Continue to be simple and true. Continue being yourself. Continue smiling so the whole world will smile and love you.